Sprucing up Old Spice

I forwarded K-Mart’s eye-catching ‘ship my pants free’ ad here to my dad, who suggested it’s all about raising eyebrows – before asking “What’s a few million hits on YouTube worth?” He then expanded upon a recent Old Spice announcement unveiling new brands of ‘manly scented’ bar soap:

Risking raised eyebrows? No problem. It’s raised grain lumbermen don’t like. Procter & Gamble’s new flavors of soap will come in Old Spice’s three most popular scents: “Fiji”, a “summery scent”, “Pure Sport,”  a “fresher, clean scent”, and “Swagger”, which is “slightly musky”. Notice all this target marketing is about smell. Lumber wholesalers know the smell test for new product line investment aims for return of ‘one hundred scents’ on the dollar. If P&G were to involve traders in testing future Old Spice new soaps, not only would they find them to be squeaky clean to begin with, it might raise the bar of soap to new heights as far as industry personal hygiene is concerned. As to scent that sells, how about “Cedar Shavings” to “Shiver your timbers”? They’d love it on the coast. “Got that raised grain feeling?” Consider a new line of “Old Growth” for a “High, Ho Sliver”, clear-cut option for sweet space on your face that overcomes stubble with a freshly dressed stud feel. Hey, P&G, your testers looking to sniff out potential of a good idea?  In olfactory expertise lumber wholesalers can usually tell if an offer smells, or, if it’s something else.  In the business of attracting customers, the Dakeryn traders would remember that bearded Movember experience fleshed out the limits of old growth appeal. A woody aura has potential for new product sales, not to mention its advantage over new car smell in attracting the ladies. How about ‘sprucing up’ Old Spice product line with “Debarker”, the linebar that restores puppy love. Add a little promotional poetry to stave off shrinkage claims with: “Plywood, Plywood on the wall, Who’s the fairest of them all?” Get over kiln-dried shrivel with “Pine”, the bedtime soap bar that brings lumber to your slumber. No wonder it’s been said that lumber wholesalers are more versatile than the Arabian horse. Expertise in appearance grade lumber means we naturally have a nose for this stuff. Shipping it free like K-Mart?  That’s for another post.  – Ernie Harder

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