We know of no definitive studies to show that lumber traders’ affinity for an occasional frosty could in any way be tied to repeated customers’ sales rejections.  However, a new study has determined that in the case of fruit flies, it is a lack of sex that sends them tippling.  “This rejection behavior leads to a memory formation within the brain.  Males that have been rejected have a lower courtship behavior the next time they encounter females.”  I suppose we’re to conclude that humans aren’t the only species to “exhibit complex addiction-like behavior.”

… to be fair, the laboratory settings weren’t exactly conducive to lovemaking. Typically, two flies are put into a stuffy, brightly lit space with cameras recording their every move. The male will then attempt to court the female by serenading her with a love song played on his wing, tapping her abdomen and even gently caressing her genitalia with his proboscis, an organ that has smell and taste functions.  Even then, there’s no guarantee a female will consent. That kind of pressure would make any man want to pour himself a drink.